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Approaching and Opening
Source: http://puarevolution.com/index.php/topic,304.0.html, and http://www.puarevolution.com/blog/ By D.http://puarevolution.com/index.php?action=profile;u=12 from the PUA Revolution team. Opening is an essential part of the game, its the first thing you do, and its the first step towards closing. Now that that's said, its still only one step, and it should not be the sole focus of your studies in to the arts of Venus. I have seen it happen countless times in the community that an aPUA loses perspective, and not only (wrongfully) focuses on canned routines and openers, but thinks that the newest and best openers from authority figures like DiCarlo, Savoy, Mystery, Tyler D., etc. or from anyone for that matter, is the magic key to success with women and dating. That's like saying that sitting down, opening the piano and stretching your arms, hands and fingers is equal to playing "Für Elise". Watch the whole thing to get exactly what I am saying. We call our selves pick-up "Artists" for a reason. I have to take opening down a notch, because many of us are so blinded by spotlights that we fail to see the audience, ourselves, or what we are actually doing for that matter. Opening is over-rated, canned openers are cheap (and sometimes sleazy), and not to mention at often times executed poorly, because the novice is still trembling from AA. Opening SUCKS! Especially if you are new at this. Think about all your limiting beliefs on opening for a minute, thoughts like: "Shit, what if I say something stupid, and she'll laugh at me?", "I'll just die if I approach, but don't know what to say?", "What if she has already heard this canned opener before?", "What if she blows me off and rejects me because I say it wrong or stutter?" etc. etc. ad nauseam. All limiting beliefs like this, fuel your AA, just because a part of you is hardwired to fear opening... Sad isn't it? Nope, I actually find it kinda comic. ;D Now that I haven taken the subject down a notch, we can start to look at it realistically, how it should and shouldn't be done and what the theory behind it is. First of all, there are three main types of approaching and opening. I will start with a brief explanation, followed by an example or two. Direct Approach, this is what normal guys and AFC's usually do, and which has been either blackballed and condemned by the PUA community, or proclaimed as the only "true" way by other schools of thought (in pick-up). The controversy is caused by human nature. We are irrational creatures, who like to think that we are logical and intelligent. Because of this, many PUA's condemn the Direct Approach, mainly because they either can't do it right, and have failed at it, or they are to afraid (lack of a badge of manhood between the legs) to try it, and thus invent a lie telling themselves that Direct is for AFC's who don't know any better, giving themselves a feeling of superiority. Now lets talk about the facts. The Direct Approach is a high risk/high reward approach. This is why many AFC's and aPUA's won't travel down that road. The reason why its high risk, is because there is a possibility that you will crash and burn, maybe even painfully so. But the other side of the coin, the high reward, is that if performed correctly, she will be hot and ready to go. Because this allows you to skip past the (you) "So, where are you from, what do you do, and do you like it?" straight (in most cases) to the (you) "Do you want to finish your drink first and then make out, or go somewhere more quiet now?" - notice the double-bind. There is only one piece of advice I can give you on the matter, be a man. The pit-falls with the Direct Approach are manifold. I'll be brutal about it, because otherwise something important won't get the attention it needs. If you are insecure, you will fail. If your body language is insufficient or poor, you will fail. If you don't know what to say, you will fail. If you're not attractive you will fail, I won't sugar coat it, but with this I mean the thing you can help, grooming, style, poise, etc. If you act nervous, or move excessively (hands and such), you will fail. If you don't know what you are doing you will fail. If you approach from the wrong side, you may not succeed either. That's just what I can think of... What it comes down to is this, if you are incongruent with yourself, if you are not confident, not on top of your game, not a real man, chances are you will fail miserably. That right there is why the majority of the PUA community at large, condemns the Direct Approach. Instructors don't teach it, because the students under their care probably can't handle. Many PUA's avoid and ignore it because, well, what did I just say? And asides from all that, it is truly just shushed, because its not safe. Not in a physical way, but direct is... Well to direct. With the Indirect Approach, there is no danger, no danger of being found out, the self proclaimed PUA can go through countless sets without successfully closing any girl, and not feel rejected once, because he played it safe and was Indirect and the target may not even ever have noticed that he was interested in her... (whisper) Now for the "how to?" part. If you payed attention to the paragraph above this one, you'll already know most of this. First and foremost, Confidence. Not imitated or faked, but real confidence. This is a prerequisite in most things, because lets face it, without it you probably wouldn't even dare consider doing a Direct Approach yourself. Not only that, but women can smell men that lack confidence, and know to stay clear of them sexually. This applies to everything in pick-up. If you've ever heard tha t "you have to make sure she will remember your approach as the boldest and most confident she has ever seen", you'll know what I am talking about. Here's some other things to keep in mind: Poise, Presence, Persistence, Purpose, and Passion. These are qualities you can develop in yourself, that will make you immensely attractive as a man. Courtesy of David DeAngelo's Man Transformation program. Poise, or body language, make it strong, correct and beautiful. Being Present, in the moment with her, is one of the most hypnotic powerful things you can use to bond with her. Persistence means never giving up, not being a quitter, which is something very unattractive. Having a Purpose in life, will give you value beyond any DHV, and she'll smell it. And last, but certainly not least Passion, passion for what you do, a hobby, music, arts, or anything, will be like steroids to your perceived value, its the thing that makes her think about love. Now that I've mentioned DeAngelo, his concept of Cocky and Funny applies perfectly, because that Real Man attitude is what you need to make the Direct Approach work. In fact, being and becoming that Real Man, are things you need to make this work. Real (hot) women want to be hit op properly by a Real Man, this is where the Direct Approach comes in. First of all, it takes balls, and if you do it right, this will be recognized. It takes real confidence, which we touched upon previously, this will be recognised. Humor is helpful, not essential. Even more, "don't smile", you're not looking for approval (now that I mention it Don't seek validation, stop being an approval junkie). Be serious, with her in the moment right there and then. That sexual tension, is your currency, push-pull, BHRR. Indirect Approach is the preferred way to approach in the PUA community. It is low risk/low reward It's based on the concept of coming in under the radar, with alternate reasons to talk to a woman than because you are interested in her. There are a lot of misconceptions about how to do it. I'll do my best to make this easy to understand as possible, yet touch upon the complexities of how this works and why. I will use a FR from one of the forums members in my elaboration, because even though this guy is a newcomer, he is certainly no AFC, and we'll have some excellent examples that can be used to explain the Inner workings of the Indirect Approach. A rookie mistake when it comes to opening is that there are some concepts that need to be kept in mind, in order for a successful opening to occur. The following is an good example: Quote"On the way to the train station, I put some Xuma to the test. I decided to go on & talk to any girl I found worthy of my attraction. And as luck would have it, a nice Asian (Pakistani) girl whizzed past me. I summoned all of my strength to shrink out ,"excuse me but I was wondering if ..." Before I could even finish that, she turned around, looked straight at me and reply, "What? .... Sorry I gotta catch a train" quote Read more: http://puarevolution.com/index.php/topic,295.0.html#ixzz24knfcgQi Here the aPUA starts with a double mistake. Did you spot one, or both? Good. The following is a reconstruction of my response to the said apprentice. "The opener ""excuse me but I was wondering if ..." in this set was classic rookie mistake. I first myself heard this from Mystery or Style, but right there as you open your mouth with those words, you just gave her permission to blow you off. Let me explain, if you go up to a girl and say "Hi, can I ask you a question?", you are basically allowing her to be rude and simply say "No", Game-Set-Crash... Don't ask permission, if needed ask forgiveness, also don't seek approval or recognition. What I am talking about is the classic old school, very valid theory of opening, which includes I: no excuse, II: a root and III: a time constraint. Example A: "Excuse me, could you help me settle a bet with a lady friend of mine? Who is cooler, James Bond or Bugs Bunny?". This is 1/3, something that may pass for a lot of guys who call themselves pua's, but is in fact a bad opening line. The root, is your alibi, your reason for talking to them and/or bringing u the subject of your opener. If you like, it's the pre-answer to the "Why" of "is this guy bothering me/us?". And by using a root this is taken care, and won't be a further obstacle. Example B "Hi there, I am on my way to work, so this will only be a minute, what do you think who lies more men or women?" This is 2/3, close but no cigar. However no permission asked. Example C "Hi there, I'm running a little bit late for a meeting, but I was just talking to a buddy on my cell, and we where talking about the Titanic and the sea, and its funny neither of us could recall the names of all the seven sea's, would you help me out with this and tell me the ones you know?" This is 3/3, and according to classic standards the only type of 100% correct "under the radar" Indirect Approach. The time constraint, is a statement which gives the illusion that you will be leaving them soon, and if not used (properly) they may "how long is this bugger gonna hassle us for?" and negatively influences their stance and behavior towards you. The focus of the Indirect Approach and game is that she won't notice that the PUA is working her, picking her up, until she finds herself becoming attracted to him, at which point she will start giving IOI's, and practically asking for the PUA to close her. This may take 10 minutes, 2 hours, 10 hours or even 10 days. The focus of Direct Approach is Hit and Miss, meaning it will take less effort and time to close her if successful, no stringing you along if you are unsuccessful. In that matter you won't be strung along if you are unsuccessful, just cut off (possibly harshly), something only wished for after the fact by someone who unsuccessfully spend time and money until he finally realizes it won't go anywhere. Now the third, final and as far as the community concerned newest method of opening. I am talking about the Circumstantial Approach. I would say, this is by far the easiest to use, and also my preference for night and day game. It's very simple. The opener consists of a comment on the situation or surrounding, to simply open the conversation with a women, and then from there using a transition to move into real conversation. Example Me: OMG, do you see that? That building is on fire? Her: What!? Where? Me: No I was kidding, you just look so darn cute, I had to think of an excuse to talk to you. I am D. how 'bout you? Her: Uhh... Wow, hi, you scared me a little, I'm Josephine... ^^ The above example is fictional, designed to illustrate the effect, from there I took it to a Direct Approach. Which also shines a light on some of the difficulty of the Direct Approach. For the fun of it imagine if you where me, what would you say next? The Circumstantial Approach often times contains a word like OMG!, or Damn, LOL or anything you can think of, but refers to something that is actually happening, present or in the area. "Wow, I can't believe this train is already 35 minutes late, what's that all about?", "Hey, which brand of cereal doe you like better, Kellogg's or Quaker?", and just to make a point (I have successfully used this one personally) "How about that weather, so nice and warm for April... Surprising isn't it?" I got digits for that one. Works well at the club too, "OMG! I LOVE THIS SONG, LETS DANCE." ;) Most of the information contained here in was picked up over the years, my main sources would be Neil Strauss, Erik von Markovic and David DeAngelo. Enjoy. D. Read more: http://puarevolution.com/index.php/topic,304.0.html#ixzz24mBRAwE0